NO RESOURCES OF MY OWN

For myself I feel that the Lord must do the whole work of restoration for me, for I am powerless to do anything for myself. He must give me the desire even to be restored. I have been asking Him to do this, and I trust not in vain. Then He must also help me to view properly the earthly things for which I long, so that I will not grieve over their loss. And He must so satisfy me with Himself that all other joys will seem weak and poor in comparison. I have no doubt that this lesson of my own complete helplessness is what He has meant to teach me by allowing me to wander such distance from Himself. I am naturally so self-dependent, so conscious of possessing powers and capacities sufficient to carry me through all ordinary emergencies. But now I see that without the Lord to hold me up, I can’t stand one moment. I especially have needed this lesson in my work for the Lord. I have never known what it was to be utterly reliant on Him for this, but have always felt as though I had inward resources of my own to draw upon. (Except perhaps in one instance where I felt utterly empty and when the Lord filled me most). I believe this is why all my capacity for service seems to be taken from me. The vessel is being emptied and when the happy day comes again when I may work for Him, I believe it will be a work in which He will have all the glory, both in my own eyes, and in the eyes of others! —Journal, June 1865 Hannah Whitall Smith and Melvin Easterday Dieter, The Christian’s Secret of a Holy Life: The Unpublished Personal Writings of Hannah Whitall Smith (Oak Harbor: Logos Research Systems, Inc., 1997).