CONFESSION THE BEGINNING POINT

“All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned to him.” “O good God, heavenly Father, I have nothing to say; I am wrong; and yet I do not know how wrong I am; but you know. You see all my sins a thousand times more clearly than I do; and if I look black and sullied to myself, O God, how much more black and sullied must I look to you! I don’t know. All I know is, that I am utterly wrong, and you are utterly right. I was formed in sin, conceived in iniquity. It is my heart that is wrong. Not merely this or that wrong thing that I have done; but it is my heart, my temper, which wants to have its own way, which cares for itself and not for you. I have nothing to plead, nothing to throw into the other side of the scale. If I have ever done anything right, it was you who did it in me and not I myself. Only my sins are my own doing; so the good in me is all yours. And the bad in me all my own, and in me dwells no good thing. And as for excusing myself by saying that I love you, I had better tell the truth since you know it already—I do not love you, O God; I love myself, my pitiful miserable self, well enough, and too well. My only comfort, my only hope is, that whether I love you or not, you love me and have sent your Son to seek and to save me. Help me now. Save me now out of my sin, and darkness, and self-deceit. Show your love to me by setting this wrong heart of mine right. Give me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. If I am wrong myself, how can I make myself right? No, you must do it. you must purge me or I shall never be clean; you must make me understand wisdom in the secret depth of my heart, or I shall never see my way. You must, for I cannot. Grant me, oh my God, the Holy Spirit!” —Journal, September 14, 1856